Vulnerability

I was chatting with a close friend last night and started to think, are we too vulnerable or not vulnerable enough? Is that even a fair question to ask? This is a question I have thought about lately and I don't know that I could give you a straight answer. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve in relationships, it hasn't worked out too well for me. There are always exceptions to this though.

I think that we need to have a bit of a wall up in relationships at the beginning, whether it be with friends or partners. A wall to protect us from that hurt that all of us have experienced in the past. The more and deeper you have been hurt, I think the bigger and stronger the wall is. But if we have our walls so high and so strong is there ever going to be a chance to get through it? In relationships most of us are trying to put our best foot forward and looks as appealing to the other as possible. The honeymoon phase ends and our character defects come through, some are small some are HUGE. At that point we ask ourselves, can I still love or be with this person? Am I even ready to go further in this relationship? Are the issues really that big?

When we are in a relationship or in love we tend to look past a lot of things because we are blinded by love or the outlook of the future. If you are anything like me and my addict brain, I have already planned the marriage, the divorce, and the separation of goods after the first date. As I have learned time and time again this is not a good practice. Some lessons are harder to learn than others for sure. It is important to live in the here and now, to accept the fact that we can not predict the future (or at least I can't) so why try to plan it? Oooooh I like that last line, wish I could learn to live it. :) Things I have learned and not applied to myself....I could fill the entire blog with this list.

Recently I made a commitment to get back to myself and what keeps me healthy. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually all three need to be in balance for me to be in a good place. Doing this recently (for the past month) has really put things in perspective for me, also turned my mind to a happier and healthier place. Daily maintenance isn't the answer to the vulnerability question, but it does strengthen ourselves I think.

Not sure if I have adequately answered the question I mentioned up top but it has gotten clearer to me. There is a fine line in this situation, a good balance between being guarded and vulnerable. If you are comfortable with yourself and are healthy I think it is easier to be in a relationship and have a productive one. If not well it is best to work on yourself before you get into or back into one. If you cant be good to or for yourself, you cant be good to anyone else!

As always, thank you for reading and supporting me in this journey. Peace and blessings to you!