4 years clean

I thought in lieu of my recent anniversary I would put some things down that I have learned over the past 4 years. ***Warning*** there will be a lot of "I have learned" statements in this blog. This journey of mine has been one big learning experience for me and I want to put it down on paper (or the internet)

I have learned a lot about myself and the disease of addition in the past 4 years. There is no mistaking me for a normal person, I am an addict through and through. I have learned that it is best to respond to a situation than react to one. I have learned that reading into any situation is never a good thing to do, by the time you are done, there has been a nuclear war and you are 410 years old. Take things for what they are and do not read into them, if you have a question about something, ask.

I have learned that physical activity is just about the best way to clear my mind that I can think of. When I am running, boxing, or lifting I am able to be at peace, if only for a few minutes. It is usually the mind readjustment I need. When I run I can solve the worlds problems in my head. It is as if nothing else really matters in the world at that time and point. I have learned that when a girl says she doesn't know what she wants it means she does, and that you are not it. I have painfully learned that it is important to keep yourself first and at the top of your priority list. If you lose yourself in any relationship you are going to be lost with or without it.

If we do not invest in the things that we need to do daily to maintain ourselves,  we are done for. I have learned that some distractions are better and more healthy than others. Distractions keep our mind from functioning properly and sometimes that is ok. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in a thought process or an emotion that we do not see the writing on the wall or believe what is actually happening. I know that family and close friends only want one thing from you, your happiness. Listen to them when they tell you to do something that you don't agree with because they are seeing things from an outside prospective.

I have learned that walls built up too high are detrimental to you opening your heart. I know that I need to have some walls around mine, I love too easily and this repeated mistake has left me heartbroken more times then I would like to admit. That is ok today, I learn from my mistakes and do my best not to repeat them. Some lessons are harder and more painful to learn than others. I have learned that it is ok to hurt, it is ok to cry, and it is ok to ask for help. I have learned that putting expectations on other people is the worst thing you can do to yourself. All it causes are resentments and let downs. Knowing this I still do it though and expect a different result each time. Here is when my readers say to themselves, you are insane........I am I know it. I am working on it though.

I have learned that dating a single mother is tough! Their independence and being used to doing it all on their own is a very admirable trait! It is difficult to get past that walls and obstacles they have in place for their protection. I have learned that it is difficult to get attached to their kids and then not be able to see them anymore. They keep growing but you are not their to see it.

All these lessons I have learned have been good for me to learn, some have been painful, some have been fun, some I am still learning. I have learned that I need to remain teachable and keep an open mind about just about everything as long as it doesn't cross my boundary in recovery. I have learned that family and close friends are always going to be there for you if you are there for them. I would not be here today without my support group. I am thankful I have had the opportunity to learn the things I have over the past 4 years of being clean and excited to see what I will learn the next 4 years.

As always thank you for your continued support......

Brandon, 3 words __________ ________ ________!!!