Outlets

No I am not writing about some sale at an outlet mall, I am writing about outlets in my life. Not the kind you plug a ipad into but the kind that keep you grounded mentally and physically.

Physical activity is a must in my life and has been an instrumental part of my recovery. I spent so many years tearing up my body in my 20's I sometimes feel as if I have a lot of catching up to do. That is usually when I hurt myself. I'm not 18 years old anymore and I am reminded of that pretty regularly when it is track season and I am showing my jumpers how to do something. I can still do it, but not as smoothly as I once did......many many moons ago. I also do not heal like I used to either, it is thoughts like this that humble me. I have been a runner most of my life and it is the easiest form of physical exercise in my life, it is also my favorite. I am not a half marathoner, or a marathoner, or even an ultra marathoner. I run a few miles and it is enough for me. I would like to work up to a half maybe someday but I am kosher with a few smaller runs a week. Going to the gym is another way I am able to stay active and keep out of my head. I can only handle the gym in small short doses of 40 minutes or less..... If you are reading this saying to yourself.... "bro do you even lift" or "40 minutes is my warm up " ...........you sir are a meathead....sorry had to say it. I go in do a short warm up on the dreadmill, do 3 different lifts for the muscle groups I am working, a warm down and I'm out. I am not there to discuss different lifts, max benches, what music I listen to, why I'm not wearing jewelry or cologne, and NO I DO NOT WANT A LIFTING PARTNER. I came here to lift and leave that is all, not spend my entire workout looking to see if anyone is watching me or making grunting noises in front of a mirror in hopes of gaining attention. I am a gym ninja, I do my business and bounce. :)  Wake boarding is another excellent and yet very humbling activity for me, I am good don't get me wrong but like most guys I tend to think I am better than I am and try to force things. Like most things in life when you have to force it or try too hard, it wasn't meant to be and your are probably going to fall on your face. Yes I do that sometimes and water is not as soft as one would think. Last summer I took so many spills learning how to clear the wake in the air, that I would come out of them smelling music and seeing colors. Not cool man, not cool at all, but I used them as learning experiences and got better. We all fall down in life, I try to get up, brush myself off, and move forward. I started boxing a few months ago and this outlet has been the most intense and best for me to get out of my head and my thoughts. If you think about anything other than what you are supposed to be doing, (foot work, breathing, punching, and keeping your guard up) you are going to get knocked on your booty with the quickness! It has made me question my judgment, I am certain that my trainers are trying to kill me some workouts. Yesterday was one of them, but like always I worked to get through it and became better because of it. Life throws us curveballs or left hooks when we are not expecting it, we must persevere and work hard to overcome what is ailing us. For me physical activity helps me do that more than this blog can describe. I need to stay out of my head, when in my dome I try to impose my will on situations and overthink things which causes me to try too hard in situations that I should be letting the man up stairs handle.

Like my sponsor says LET GO.......by being active and getting out of my head, I can do that!


When I force things...... (no I didn't land this one)

 When I don't force it and let things happen..... (Yes I landed this one)

Thank you all for your continued support and reads!!!!

Faith in different forms

I thought I would start this entry with the Just For Today email I just got.....This one is for tomorrow, it starts like this "These defects grow in the dark and die in the light of exposure."


Faith is a tricky subject so me being me, I am going to think out loud here. I have recently been struggling with my faith and if I am truly living in the will of the man upstairs. These are my own issues/character defects that I struggle with. I am working on it, but am still kind of a control freak. (those that know me are nodding their heads yes right now I am sure) like I said I am working on it. I have to remind myself about 20 times what my sponsor has told me and even wrote it on a piece of paper that I hung in my room......LET GO! I take a deep breath and let things go, it is tough for me to do but its a work in progress. Things happen for a reason as they should and when they should, I believe, I really do. I try to take each situation as a learning experience and make the right choice to not repeat the insanity again. I noticed when I respond to a situation as opposed to react things work out much better for me. What is that saying FTW (First Thought Wrong) I need to take time to think things through and not read to deeply into a situation. As an addict I really have to stop myself from thinking the worst for every situation and take things for what they are. I read into things and manipulate my thought process to believe what I want to, usually not a good thing for me to be doing. All I can do is not hide my defects of character, work on them daily,  and pray that I am living HIS will not mine. I tried to do things on my own in my 20's and it didn't work too well for me. I do revert back to my old ways and impose my will on a few situations instead of letting go and letting things happen as they should, not how I want them to. Well I guess I put that defect out in the light of exposure so maybe with me putting me out there someone will find strength or realize they are not alone in this world. I know that the man upstairs is looking out for me and 'Everything's going to be alright!' just me working on my stuff!  Kind of ironic that I am dealing with these defects of character while I am working my 6th step.....if you don't know what it is.....you have a homework assignment. Love and blessings to all!

Daily Maintenance

We all have our own way of keeping our sanity about us. As I sit in my chair sweating my arse off after an short but amazing evening run I was thinking of a few things...... As a recovering addict my brain does things that most do not. I have a laundry list of things I have (nay) get to do on a daily basis. I was recently reminded of my lack of daily maintenance and how far off course my level of thinking was. I have recently gotten back to the things that I need to do in my daily/weekly routine. Each and every morning I wake up and I pull my cards I have some Native American animal cards and a set of Sacred Path cards that I draw and read on. It gives me direction on things I will work on that day or reminds me of something pertinent going on in my life that I may have forgotten about. I have also re-made the commitment to being more diligent in my workouts, this summer was not so good for that. Boxing, weights, and my favorite of all time.......running. Running gives me the sense of freedom that one only dreams about. Its just me, my music, and my thoughts...pounding the pavement while I solve all of the worlds problems. ;) Ill just start with my own first. School work is another thing that was pushed back this summer, I am working hard to get my degree and used the fact I passed 3 classes in a week as a justification to slow things down......pshhhh like that is a healthy thing to do?!?!   I pray, yes I said it I pray. I pray that my friends, family members, and loved ones are happy, healthy,  and safe. I pray that I will continue to live through the will of the man upstairs. I pray for clarity and strength each day to stay clean and have a clear thought process. I started attending more meetings for NA where I find solutions to my problems, not just a forum to complain about things. I am a member and a brother to people in the fellowship and I would not trade the relationships of unconditional love I find in the rooms for any amount of money in the world. I am grateful to be of service to the fellowship because I have received so much more than I am ever going to be able to repay. These are a few of my favorite things, I sound like the song I know. This is what keeps me grounded and as level headed as I can. This blog is not a place for me to preach or stand on a soap box, it is simply a way of me speaking my heart and share a little bit of my world. If I am able to help one person through a rough time or help give direction, then I will add that to my blessings I receive on a daily basis.  If you are this far down on this post, well you have learned a little bit more about me that you may have not known.

I decided to add this video for a few reasons, I was thinking about it on my run, it is one of my favorite songs EVER, and well I don't think it got enough play when it came out..... I hope you enjoy this video half as much as I do. I want to thank you for taking time out of your evening/or day for reading a bit about me.

First entry

Where to start.....I have wanted to do a blog since about 2011 but wasn't sure what I wanted to write about. So I guess I will start with an introduction, I am 34 years old living in Yakima, WA pursuing a degree in education. I coach Track (High Jump) and Cross Country and that is what made me realize I wanted to become a teacher. I love the challenges it provides and the joy it brings my heart to see the students and even the athletes grow. I am also in recovery and have been for almost 4 years, through the program I am working I have realized many things about myself and about life. I believe that everything happens as it should and when it should, I also believe that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. Whether it be to teach us something about the world around us or ourselves in that world. Now the things I post on here are my opinions and lessons that I have learned, if you can take something from it fantastic, if not that is great too.

I want to learn as much as there is to know about myself and my surroundings, I have a great family and a very powerful support circle that is key to my sanity. There are many things in my life that are needed to keep my sanity, my brother is a big part of that, much like me he tells it how it is. We are twins and very close, we weren't for the first 19 years of our lives then we got close and drifted back apart when I was in the later stages of my active addiction. Now that I am clean we are in sync with each other and I couldn't be happier.

Here is a picture of my CRAZY family in New York this summer
Came across this song today on a pod cast from Avicii and it was like speaking to me directly. Love music and how it can help you relate to the world or your life.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3CYKXBEtf0&feature=c4-overview&list=UUnhJEcc27A7F9_frwNbEW6w

Well I think this is enough writing for one day, I need to get some homework done so I can justify watching Breaking Bad in a few hours.......Hope you enjoyed reading my first entry.