2014 - Reflection

I have been piecing together this entry for a few days now, on the way home from a meeting tonight it all came together. So here it goes.......

With the end of the year upon us, I wanted to reflect on mine.

This year, I have loved, lost, learned, grown, and started over. I have realized some things that I would like to share with you.

By the grace of my Higher Power, my family, the program, the 12 steps, and my support circle, I had the opportunity to celebrate 5 years clean this September. I have sponsees that are working a program and I have gained grand-sponsees that are doing the same. I was able to establish a boundary that took me this long to figure out; I only put effort peoples recovery that are willing to put effort into their own. I learned a great deal about myself through working the steps, and also through my service commitments. After this sunday I will have completed a full term as the Central Washington Area's Chair. It was a difficult and challenging year for the area, I had to make a lot of uncomfortable but neccessary decisions. I can honestly say that I did the best job I could.

After much thought, prayer, and meditation, I decided to gracefully decline a nomination for second term . I achieved my goal of being the Area's chair and grew from it. I also realized that I was getting burnt out from doing service work. I decided I needed to work on my recovery as opposed to being everyone's everything. I had the thought that if I didn't do it, no one would. I was wrong and I can admit that.

I was finally able to make my amends to the people I felt needed one, all were well received too. I finally shut the door on the dark cloud that was looming over my head for the past 5+ years and made my amends and both financial and emotional to my ex-girlfriend from Bellevue. There hadn't been a day that went by that I didn't think of what was going to be said or how it was going to go. It didn't go the way I thought it would, but went the way it was supposed to. That chapter of my life is done, and I was able to do the right thing.

Learned valuable lessons throughout this year as well. Just because you want a relationship to work, doesn't mean it is supposed to or going to. We as people tend to look past things that our gut screams at us to RUN from in order to stay sane in a relationship. I did that far too many times last year, things didn't sit well with me and I continued to pull the wool over my eyes and tell myself that things were copacetic. Wrong person, wrong time, wrong situation for me and my life today. Lesson learned, no longer will I look past things in a relationship as if things are all good. If they are not, I intend to speak to them and take action.

I also recently came to the thought process/challenge I would like to employ you to try: If you are starting a new relationship or thinking about getting into one...... put your worst foot forward not your best. Why wait 4 months to see what the other person is like, get it out of the way now before you have invested your time and your heart into it. This is who I am, for better or worse, love me or leave me. Makes perfect sense, instead of trying to be someone you are not in hopes to impress that person, just put it all out there and move forward or move on.

Why compromise yourself or try to be someone you think they want you to be? Good question right, I have been doing it so wrong for so long. It isn't until recently I became aware to this. We all go through phases or situations that we learn from, it is only the smart ones that apply those situations to their future well being.

As always thank you for the support and giving me a few moments of your attention. May 2015 be your most succesful year to date, I intend to.

LOVE