Adjustments

Last week was one of the more emotional weeks of my recovery. I passed a huge test for school, and an 8month relationship I had, ended. I am currently making my amends to the people I had harmed during my active addiction. All of these things are currently messing with my head and heart. I understand and believe that everything happens as it should, but not usually how we had planned.

For the past 5 years I had been planning on how I was going to make amends to my ex of 6 years (from Bellevue). I would lie if I hadn't thought about that amends almost everyday since I got clean, what I would say, what she would say, and how I would feel when it is over. Now I have an amends, both financially and emotionally that I need to make. The money isn't the hard part, I have that thanks to my recovery and support circle. The emotional part is the part that is throwing me for a loop.

I was under the impression that she would be happy to hear that I was doing well and that she was going to get her money. All forgive right.....wrong, there haven't been any nasty words but I can tell that she isn't thrilled to hear from me. She is apprehensive to trust the words I am saying. I try to live my life well, be honest, and do the next right thing. So I was shocked when she said that. Then I did some reflection and realized that all she knows me as is a liar and a screw up.

All I can do is speak from the heart and be honest, I put her through a lot of pain. If my amends aren't accepted, I can take solace in the fact that I will make an amends so I can move forward.

Well it is back to the single life, time to refocus back on me again. Not that I put anything off during my relationship, just time to readjust. Stay focused on the task at hand, recovery, school, and gym. With track season approaching (yeah its approaching), I will be busier than normal, so it is important to take this time and get stuff done. Don't know that I really had a point to this post, just wanted to get it out of my brain. So there you go.

Keep focused in what you are doing and don't lose sight of your goals, let no one stand in your way of them. Love and blessings to all...... I'm out!