Changes in thought process

I wanted to write another post/update and clear up some confusion. First of all I want to thank you ALL for the continued support and well wishes in my journey I call life. From the comments on this, Facebook, and through text I have gotten a sense of fear from my family and friends that I am not doing well. This is not true, although I am going through and adjustment in my life (dealing with amends and the loss of a relationship) I am by no means thinking of using or doing harm to myself. I am just procesing through all of this and this blog helps me do that. I made achoice over 5 years ago to never use again. If you are saying in your head right now, "never say never Zach" I want you to ball up your hand into a fist and punch yourself in the throat. I am never going to use again, it began with a choice I made and it was the best decision of my life. I appreciate the concern, yes I am in a weird state of mind right now, but with the program, my support circle, family, and of course my Higher Powers will, I know I will be just fine.

Things happen for a reason, exactly as they should, and exactly when they should. I am aware of this and I firmly believe it. The amends are uncomfortable for me because I am having to deal with some wreckage from my using days. I am thankful that I have a program working in my life where I GET to do that. I have come to the conclusion if the BIG AMENDS to the ex inst accepted or well received when all is said and done, that is OK. I will have done the best I know how to do and that is good enough for me. I know who I am now was not who I was back then, I try to be the best I can be each and everyday. Some days are tougher than others but I try.

As far as the relationship goes, she will always have a place in my heart. I don't believe that we fall out of love with people. She is a great girl and I wish her no ill will, I'm not that type of guy. Things happen and people change. I know that I need to remain focused on my priorities; recovery, school, then everything else. I will continue to work each day to go to bed better and closer to my goals when I woke up.

So in conclusion, I am doing fine, just processing new events in my life. I am going to stay clean no matter what. I love each and everyone of "you people" :) that read and support my blog but more importantly my journey. I will continue to write about this journey because that is what I do. Stay warm and know that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel! If I had a microphone, this is how I would end this blog....