Control

What a weekend..... obviously the home town team won the big game, that was great. Had an amazing Friday night,  I read my 6th step to my sponsor on Saturday, then got to hang out with a co-worker that I very much look up to for a multitude of reasons. Today I had the honor of chairing my first ASC (Area Service Committee) for Central Washington.

Started my weekend off right and am ending it right for sure! Many things are coming to mind as I am reflecting over the past few days. I will try my best to put them into a readable thought process. Going to my sponsors house is a very spiritual and centering experience for me. He lives on a ranch on the top of Saddle Mountain. 46,000 acres of cows, dirt, hills, and sage......for you that know me, you are probably thinking to yourself "what the hell is that city boy doing?" you would be correct to assume I am out of my element up there.

Being up there puts some things in prospective for me. I get so wrapped up in the hustle of my daily grind, I tend to get too plugged in. I am able to be free and unplug up there, to truly admire some of the earths beauty and not worry about anything than living in the moment. I took my steps and my camera up there and had an amazing experience. (I will post some pics in a bit) When I read my steps to Ron (sponsor) he makes notes so we can discuss things at the end or as they come up. Naturally I take what he says to me about my recovery and growth very seriously. The 6th step deals with character defects and it was a step I started writing this August after a relationship where I lost myself ended. You see, as she was pulling away I was trying to fill that void with my character defects. Big void right :) the one that kept creeping up is the title of this post, CONTROL. I have worked this step for the last 5 months and incorporated into my life. I believe that if we are not able or not willing to do this, we are not ready to read the step and move on. For me the steps are all about personal growth and moving forward. I lost myself in the summer relationship for many reasons, and none of them matter anymore. I was able to objectively look at  and work on them. Ron always tells me this two word phrase that until recently only started to understand. LET GO, very fitting and something I am working on.

Letting go of things you can't or shouldn't be trying to control only frees up your energy. It has been my experience that when you try to control a situation, it never ends up working out for you. Some lessons I have to learn and re-learn, this is one of them. I have struggled with this issue my entire life and only after about getting half way through reading my step did I realize this. The light bulb went off and I realize now that it is the basis of many of my problems I have today. CONTROL, you see I am not in control at all when I am trying to control things. Feels good to have learned this lesson and even better to make a commitment to myself to work on it.  What is the point of learning about a character defect and not do anything about it. Non growth is not an option for me anymore!

I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy lives and reading a bit about mine. Here are some pics from this weekend.

Well hello there, are you hungry?