Trusting the process

I have learned many things over the last almost 5 years of being in recovery. None of which I think is as important as trusting the process. Everything we do has a process, whether it is getting ready for bed or writing a paper for school. Everything has a process, I recently had my confidence restored in this area. Last week was a difficult one for me, I had to say goodbye to a car that I had grown to love and say hello to one I knew well.

Last Monday on the way home from track conditioning, I noticed my oil light came on. (I know what your thinking, "this guy doesn't take care of his car") Wrong I do, I always get my oil changed well before the 3000 miles that is suggested. I keep up on my checkups and do what is necessary to maintain it. So with that in mind I decided to take in the Legacy Tuesday morning because it as making a funny noise while running. I got it to the shop and a few hours later they told me the engine was blown. Forgive my lack of knowledge with engines and pretty much all things car related, but what the shit does blown mean. The lady told me that it would cost $300 to get it diagnosed, 98% of the cars like mine that are having the same problems have an engine that needs to be replaced. After some research on my own I realized that this was a reoccurring problem with my engine. It would cost me $6200 to get a used engine fixed and put in or $12,000 to get a brand new engine. Neither of which was guaranteed that this wouldn't happen again.

Now came the time for me to make a decision, do I fork over a large chunk of moolah to get it fixed or be done with it. Now if you know me well, you know how near and dear that car was to me. I had to make the right decision though. Do I fix and keep the car, in fear of this happening again (it has happened twice already) or do I part ways with my baby?

Now I am in the process of rebuilding my credit. As you can imagine, to say that  I didn't do a great job of maintaining payments when I was using would be an understatement. I have paid all my creditors back and with the exception of this car I am debt free. I take care of my financial responsibilities now. I am not at the point that I can walk into a dealership and say I want that car and I want it now. My credit is much better than it was, but not where it needs to be. Also with me working on my teaching degree, I do not have the W-2 to support a car loan by traditional expectations. I got a loan from my dad for the Legacy and after I sold it, I was able to pay him off. I was back at square one though, I had no debt but no car either. So with a little discussion with my folks we decided that I would buy my moms X3 and she was going to get a new car. Worked out well for all parties involved. I had to let go of my baby but got a new ride in the process that may not look as cool as the Legacy, but is waaaaaaay nicer.

I had to have faith in the process, my higher power, and my fathers suggestions. I believe that there is something to be learned in everything we do. I was trying to see the lesson in this and realized that it was a test of my faith in my recovery and the things I have learned since I got clean. Walking through this last week made me realize a few things, my higher power has my best intentions in mind, my father's suggestions are usually 100% spot on, I have a great support circle, and it will ALL work out in the end the way it is supposed to be.

So I guess what I am trying to convey in this post is, if you are struggling with something in your life.....trust the process and have faith that everything will turn out as it should. It may not work out the way you want it to and never works out the way you plan, but it will all work out as it should. Keep the faith my friends, it all works out as it should!


As always thank you for the continued support and the love!