Happy times!

Well it has been awhile since my last post, with good reason.... I have been busy. I find myself smack dab in the middle of the busiest time of the year for me, Track season! Recently I have had a few things happened to me that have really reassured me that I am on the right track.

Every year about this time, my brother and I are in a mad scramble to figure out what we are going to get our dad for his birthday. He never asks for anything and has all he wants/needs. He used to ask for good children, but we all know that wasn't going to happen ;). This year he decided to tell us what he wanted; he asked that we take $100 of his money and do something for someone else with it. This was an easy task for me to think of but not so easy for me to accomplish. I decided to buy a ton of clothing and donate it to the school I work at. There are students there that don't have a lot of resources and opportunities. It was a no brainier that some basic clothing, sweats, shirts, shorts, and pants could help them out. There is a basic need for some of the students that need these things, so I decided that would be where the money was spent. I went to K-mart because I knew that is where the money would go the furthest. Finding some of the winter clearance racks with shirts and sweat pants went well. I realized about 45 minutes into the excursion, that I had no girl items. Well, guys clothing I am a master of, girls on the other hand...... It was like I was learning French, CLUELESS. I asked a mom who had a daughter with her a few questions (creeped them out in the process) but got the information I needed, then found appropriate wears for the girls at the school too. This was an opportunity to give back to people that don't have it all, it felt great to do this. I think we take for granted all we have and all we think we are owed.

Next I recently completed my 12th step. It has been a journey I have been working on for almost 3 years. Being clean for over 5 1/2, I wanted to actually work the steps and incorporate them into my life. I have seen a lot of growth in myself and my outlook since working these steps. It is one thing to write down answers to questions in hopes to appease your sponsor. It is another thing to actually work them and put them in play in your daily life. Now I am by no means the person I want to be, but because of working these steps and continuing to live clean and trying to do the next best thing, I think I am getting closer each day. Feels good to work a program and see results. If anyone that is reading this knew me before I got clean or in the early stages of my recovery, I think you will agree, if not....that is ok too.

Finally, it is that time of the year that my life is completely over run with happiness, stress, love, and fun (for the most part). TRACK SEASON. This year I am not sure what has happened but everything seems to be coming together. I have a GREAT coaching staff I work with, some of the best in the business that I am humbled to be around, a great program, and some AMAZING kids. I have had this goal of getting a girl over 5' and a boy over 6' since I started. Been close on the boys side a few times, but never achieved it. Well yesterday, that all changed. My boy cleared 6' and two of my girls have cleared 5' so far. Blows my mind to think of where they were when I first got them. I want to take all the credit, but truth be told, they are amazing young athletes that like to compete and hungry for more. Could not be happier with my flyers this year. Here are 2 of my kiddos jumping, making me one of the luckiest coaches/people in the world!

Thanks again for the support, love and peace to all!

2014 - Reflection

I have been piecing together this entry for a few days now, on the way home from a meeting tonight it all came together. So here it goes.......

With the end of the year upon us, I wanted to reflect on mine.

This year, I have loved, lost, learned, grown, and started over. I have realized some things that I would like to share with you.

By the grace of my Higher Power, my family, the program, the 12 steps, and my support circle, I had the opportunity to celebrate 5 years clean this September. I have sponsees that are working a program and I have gained grand-sponsees that are doing the same. I was able to establish a boundary that took me this long to figure out; I only put effort peoples recovery that are willing to put effort into their own. I learned a great deal about myself through working the steps, and also through my service commitments. After this sunday I will have completed a full term as the Central Washington Area's Chair. It was a difficult and challenging year for the area, I had to make a lot of uncomfortable but neccessary decisions. I can honestly say that I did the best job I could.

After much thought, prayer, and meditation, I decided to gracefully decline a nomination for second term . I achieved my goal of being the Area's chair and grew from it. I also realized that I was getting burnt out from doing service work. I decided I needed to work on my recovery as opposed to being everyone's everything. I had the thought that if I didn't do it, no one would. I was wrong and I can admit that.

I was finally able to make my amends to the people I felt needed one, all were well received too. I finally shut the door on the dark cloud that was looming over my head for the past 5+ years and made my amends and both financial and emotional to my ex-girlfriend from Bellevue. There hadn't been a day that went by that I didn't think of what was going to be said or how it was going to go. It didn't go the way I thought it would, but went the way it was supposed to. That chapter of my life is done, and I was able to do the right thing.

Learned valuable lessons throughout this year as well. Just because you want a relationship to work, doesn't mean it is supposed to or going to. We as people tend to look past things that our gut screams at us to RUN from in order to stay sane in a relationship. I did that far too many times last year, things didn't sit well with me and I continued to pull the wool over my eyes and tell myself that things were copacetic. Wrong person, wrong time, wrong situation for me and my life today. Lesson learned, no longer will I look past things in a relationship as if things are all good. If they are not, I intend to speak to them and take action.

I also recently came to the thought process/challenge I would like to employ you to try: If you are starting a new relationship or thinking about getting into one...... put your worst foot forward not your best. Why wait 4 months to see what the other person is like, get it out of the way now before you have invested your time and your heart into it. This is who I am, for better or worse, love me or leave me. Makes perfect sense, instead of trying to be someone you are not in hopes to impress that person, just put it all out there and move forward or move on.

Why compromise yourself or try to be someone you think they want you to be? Good question right, I have been doing it so wrong for so long. It isn't until recently I became aware to this. We all go through phases or situations that we learn from, it is only the smart ones that apply those situations to their future well being.

As always thank you for the support and giving me a few moments of your attention. May 2015 be your most succesful year to date, I intend to.

LOVE

At Peace

Hello again, I have had a wonderful weekend and wanted to share some thoughts. Finished working my 10th and 11th step today with my sponsor. I had the privilege of going up to his ranch. 46,000 acres of pure bliss, it is one of my favorite and most spiritual places in the world for me. I wish everyone could experience it.

The sense of serenity that I feel when I am at my sponsors place is indescribable. A complete sense of relaxation comes over me. Knowing that everything is happening exactly how it should. I'm in the right place in my life and it feels amazing. Processing of events and feeling OK with everything in me life.

The last few weeks I have had this sense of being OK, I feel that I am in a good place. After a recent smudging session with my sponsor I was reassured that I am doing well. He can always tell when something major is going on, every time. He can see it, he can sense it, he can feel it. This time however, he said I am feeling good, he was right.

He said I was more at peace than he has ever seen me. Through talking with him about what's going, my connection with my HP, where I am in my recovery, he told me that I am far removed from my addict. This thought is mind blowing for me. I am on fire for my recovery, focusing on my sponsees and myself. I am excited to start and finish my 12th step and see what is next. What is in store for me next, is exciting to me.

Excited to make meaningful connections with people that are deeper than surface level. Excited to see what my Higher Power has planned for me and my future. I have faith that I will be provided exactly what I need. 

Today I can say, "I am OK with me!!!" 

Thank you for the support and I hope you have all had a great weekend like me!

Shifting

Yesterday I did something that I didn't think I would be able to do. I put aside my pride and ego in order to do what I felt was right in regards to a service position for NA. If you know me I am a service whore when it comes to the program. I can't repay it enough for what it has given me, a new life. I have been the Area Chair for the past year and done a lot of growing because of it. Through personality conflicts and changes within the area I found myself starting to resent the position and what I had to do. Some days it felt as if I got nothing done, others it felt like I was a babysitter. I love my NA family, but the amount of difficult decisions I had to make in this position was starting to wear on me. So I decided to talk to my sponsor, pray and meditate on it. I did what was suggested and declined a nomination for a second term.

I am going to focus on me for the next year, my recovery (personal) and my schooling which are and will remain my top two priorities. I also have been doing a lot of soul searching in terms of relationships vs. being alone. I never have been one to be alone, jumping from relationship to relationship. Never really works out because I don't take enough time for myself, I tend to rush into things and "settle" for things that I shouldn't.

It occurred to me two weeks ago that my loneliness was effecting my judgment wanting my ex back. I recently had finished my 10th step which was a personal inventory, it occurred to me......I didn't want to be alone. Through some thought I discovered, I would rather be alone than in a relationship with the wrong person.I want to be in a relationship with my equal not someone who needs fixing. I want the kids and the family. I will accept what ever my HP sees fit for me. However, being lonely doesn't give me a reason to try to re open a door that in a relationship that shouldn't have ever been opened in the first place. I fall hard when I do and it tends to get me hurt time and time again. So reinvesting in myself and being OK with being alone needs to happen. If someone crosses my path, I'm not going to turn away but I need to approach things differently. My previous relationship didn't work for a number of reasons. To sum it up in a few words Square peg round whole. My Dad has ALWAYS told me that you can't put toothpaste back in the tube.  Maybe one of these days I will actually listen to him.....don't tell him I said that.

Going to keep this one as short as I can, I got homework to do people....... until next time, thanks for the support and reads. :) 

Pictures I took 11.29.14